07232007 beeen a long time shouldnt have left you

beeen a long time shouldnt have left you

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if i release this tension and then remove the safety
theres no guarantee that my heart wont be so hasty
if this life was meant to be then my soul will recover greatly
and the devil will love me but the lord might proceed to hate me
if its agreed i shake the and make these bullets walk
down the street of your lungs up the road to your heart
if its suggested a party of 2 in your soul is requested
love and pain the two things that your carelessnes has brought
but my being has detested
so now that ive confessed it tell me what must be
shall i hate you for a second but love you for all of eternity?
regret the mess ive made and repent while the fire is burning me
or just let it go and forgive you based on all the memories
i cant bcuz thats the very thing thats killing me

08172006 PUBLIC RELATIONS

Public Relations

you say you want a wife and a life wit me
but your actions feel as if your fightin me
i dont know wether to run to you
or in the other direction
im at a loss for affection
on a search for perfection
but got lost in translation
im impatiently waitin
fingers crossed
eyes closed
knees sore
raw from
the prayin
but i think you playin
wit my emotions
but you dont know ive swam
through an ocean of tears
just to get to you
nearly drowned in the warm saltiness
but i survived just to have you
kill the effort with your words
making me out to be the bad girl
maybe it is me
maybe I am in the wrong
yeah
blame me for the love i gave you it was prolly too much huh?
you cant handle it i understand
blame me for your happiness
ill be the scapegoat for your pleasure
but the X
THAT MARKED THIS TREASURE
of my love
IS SOON TO BE JOINED BY THE X
THAT COULDNT MEASURE
or comprehend what they had
but its cool nothings guaranteed
but baby if you wanna leave just say so..........

DREAMS 04012006

dreams

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lately things arent so great and i cant concentrate
the world confuses me and defecates
on my dreams
even tho it seems my nightmares are where i find relief
the horrors in my mind continue to rock my ass to sleep
wicked thoughts sing me a lullaby
my own conscience screams to me get a life
but what am i to do
i wanna fight my eyes are open but i cant move and i cant speak
i dont even have the energy
sleepless nights have been the only friend to me
they keep me from seeing the visions i see
insomniac wit some crown or yak
disguised like im sippin some chamomile tea
ridin solo wit Jesus
how can His life be killing me
peace and harmony continues to tease us
how can i have morality still in me
i wanna wake up but my own sins wont let me
and now im waiting on God to just come get me

IDIOT 09012006

you straight out front like i aint heard
you comin in loud and clear but i cant understand your words
im speaking english but your language is coming out absurd
i flip my words because of the trouble that you sit and stir
any lie will do to excuse you from being a retard
around this house i dont even breathe hard
im like an illegal alien in the white house with no green card
i lean hard on the wall cuz nobody lends a shoulder
and its backwards
im bending over
but im still getting fucked
im getting stuck
in these awkward situations
that make me look like
a fool thats losing her patience
how long will i be waitin
for you to come around
and respect me
instead of behind everything i do
u gotta come and neglect the
hardwork i put into makin this place livable
if u had any intelligence i dare you to make it visible
id win everytime
cuz you dont think youve crossed the line
friends we used to be but now im wanting to decline
the choice to be here wasnt mine
but u still didnt say no
u held ur breath
and exhaled a yes
and this aint my game but i still have to play tho
i guess if you say so
hold my lips
and lay low
avoid you at all costs
yeah u paid to be the boss
but u need to get refund
cuz if there was ever a defective product
in a human being
then im starting to see one
and even tho this poem it seems done
im just getting started
cuz im gonna show up again like a rerun